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So. First of all, I realize it's December hey look it's almost February isn't Chiakii lame?, and I'm late as hell. I've got really no inspiration as of late. It's not that I don't have any real opinion or that I'm losing interest...I just can't seem to spew out entries. Oh well.

But anyway. I'm stepping over my review of Ongaku Gatas and Berryz and Buono! and C-ute, because no matter what you all say, Momusu is the fucking flagship group of H!P and the Kids are never going to be greater than them. Do you hear me?

...well, anyway.

I love "Mikan" so much. It's not that this is a piece of musical brilliance - it actually sounds very close to several Momusu b-sides that I don't bother listening to (which is probably why Tsunku and Up-Front thought they could get away with it). But listening to it brings a smile to my face, and watching the PV fills me with this indescribable feeling of warmth and fuzziness. For a Momusu fan, this is a back-to-the-start, and it's like with that Enchanted movie Disney put out - the idea of a much-loved and now-classic phenomenon returning to their roots gives you the warm fuzzies.

But is that really what they need?

With this single, it feels like Morning Musume's returning to their roots. While this gives longtime fans like you and me (or just me, depending on who you are - you know, it's way creepy realizing that I don't know who the hell is reading this) the warm fuzzies, most Japanese people don't bother to know every Momusu girl and the whole history behind the epic journey of Morning Musume. It's less that Momusu is a fad that's out but won't go away - it's more that it loses and gains its fanbase with every audition and graduation. As I once read on I believe it was Pink Wota - if you joined the Momusu fandom because you thought Goto Maki was just the greatest thing ever and never got much farther than that, you probably jumped ship around "Koko ni Iruzee!" or "AS FOR ONE DAY" after realizing you could never, ever love another Momusu girl the way you did Gocchin.

Then, you have fans like me: I joined up because I thought the music was catchy and Tanaka Reina was pretty. Now? Music is still catchy, very much so...but Tanaka Reina is my least favorite member. Longtime Momusu fans are the ones that have multiple favorite members (though maybe still in a pecking order) and find new ones with every graduation and audition. Which isn't to say that the above fan is less of a fan - just someone that really only had one Momusu love, and no one else. It's almost a crappy romance story.

And "Mikan" really only caters to the second type of fan who will recognize this is as a back-to-the-start kind of song. To anyone else, this is generic pop. It can easily be passed over in favor of something a little more creative.

Morning Musume shouldn't be going back to their old stuff. The sense of nostalgia is only there for well-known songs like "Love Machine", but you know what?
 

Fuck "Love Machine." (Yes, I just said that.) It's a classic, it's got the beat that never gets old...and it's keeping Momusu from moving forward. There comes a time when songs like "Chokkan 2" and "Onna ni Sachi Are" need to become staple performances. "Love Machine" is great, but all these performances of it just highlights the OGs - 30-year-old idols that barely work anymore. "Mikan" has the ability to send chills down my back with the Live positively line as well as "Love Machine" ever could.

And now that that rambly piece is over (and I really don't feel I explained myself very well with it...maybe this should be another entry in itself), let's get superficial.

SAYUMI IS FUCKING GORGEOUS. I really don't feel Sayu is Rika 2.0. She's really a new kind of kawaii all by herself. She's very flirty and coy in a way that makes you feel like she's got this hidden agenda. For all her frills and rainbow-pinkus, Sayumi's got this undercurrent of complete evil intelligence, and I think that is what makes me love her so very much. Evil kawaii. Usa-chan will RULE THE FUCKING WORLD.

Still, she was quite an adorable kid, wasn't she? (She's still adorable now, actually.) Look at that, throwing us off the scent at the age of what, three? I can see her plotting world domination, and peeking out from under that hat to make sure no one's coming to usurp her throne...

And you know, she looks mildly demonic here. "Look into my eyes..."

*coughs* Anyway.

Linlin was the CUTEST THING EVER WHEN SHE WAS LITTLE. Seriously. Those braids! The fans! The whatever-it-is she's wearing! LINLIN!!

Actually, I was very pleasantly surprised by all the screentime Linlin nabbed in this PV. Not as much as the other girls, but Junjun didn't even show up until well into the second verse, while Linlin weaseled her way into the pre-chorus. Atta girl.
 

And you can never have too much Linlin, amirite?

Though I think she'd benefit from a different hairstyle. The one she has right now doesn't sit well with her face shape and features.

Linlin actually seems to have a pretty strong voice. I can actually hear her voice distinctly in the chorus. That makes me happy.

Junjun...looks like Chisato, y/n?

It's hard to say what I dislike about Junjun. Rather, she doesn't interest me half as much. Cute? Sure. Of course. Funny? She's got her moments. The banana with Eri, the "Araaa?" when she didn't get a question on Utaban...I'm sure there are more. But I can't put my finger on anything extraordinary about her, other than her Internet fame and extreme kawaii. Junjun should be the perfect idol. She's pretty, she's got talent, and she seems to be very intelligent - and that's my problem with her. I can't find anything wrong with her. My favorite idols all have flaws, from being not traditionally pretty to bad singing to no personality to being extraordinarily clumsy...Junjun doesn't have any of that. Morning Musume is supposed to give hope to all those offbeat, off-rhythm, klutzy girls out there that one day, they too can be lusted after by salarymen. Or you know, something like that.

Junjun wants YOU to join the Panda Army.

(Just some obligatory PANDA LOVE.)

LOLOLOL Reina's got an afro. It was really hard to hate her when I saw this picture.

She seems a little more badass in this video, even more so than in "Onna." Which is strange, considering how much more cutesy "Mikan" is. But her performance in "Onna" felt so...fake, in a way. Maybe we should all accept that Reina just isn't a badass yankii. In the cutesy setting of "Mikan", Reina feels a lot more genuine. She's still winking like crazy, but I think that's becoming a Reina trademark.
 

Wink, Reina! Wink like there's no tomorrow!

You know what? I don't care what you all say. Takahashi Ai is doing a fantastic job as a leader. Everyone says so - how helpful she is in getting everyone to fit in and work together. Yeah. Oh, and Aichan was a cute kid.

I mean, just look at this. Miki and Yossie might've been stronger, more brusque leaders, but Aichan seems like the kind of leader they could be comfortable with. She's not overwhelmingly senior like Kaori (the other girls seemed scared out of their mind - OMG, original member right there!) but she's not downright frightening like Miki. She might not be the perfect idol, but if she sticks around (no graduations plz, no graduations plz) I think Aichan might go down as one of the best leaders in Momusu history.

(But no one can beat Yuko - and yes, I'm using this opportunity to post some OG hotness.)

In a way, it feels like a fate kinda thing that Miki left. Miki/Ai felt disjointed in a way...Takagaki was a natural duo that's been growing and strengthening since 2001. There are just some leader/sub-leader duos that work, and Takagaki is one of them.

Koharu...has a cold sore. I didn't even notice until Cassie pointed it out to me.

amythystjewl (8:47:20 PM): I love how Koharu has a cold sore in Mikan
tinytantrum (8:47:24 PM): She does?
tinytantrum (8:47:27 PM): O_O
amythystjewl (8:47:29 PM): yesh
amythystjewl (8:47:35 PM): watch her in close ups
tinytantrum (8:47:38 PM): Oh. XD I still only have the DohhhUP version.
amythystjewl (8:47:49 PM): yeah I see it in the DohhhhUP version
tinytantrum (8:47:54 PM): O_O
amythystjewl (8:47:56 PM): it's blaring
tinytantrum (8:47:59 PM): I hafta find my glasses then.
amythystjewl (8:48:02 PM): rofl
tinytantrum (8:48:54 PM): Where is it on her face? I really want to see now. XD
tinytantrum (8:49:07 PM): OH
amythystjewl (8:49:08 PM): it's like right above the left center of her lip
tinytantrum (8:49:10 PM): On her lip, yeah?
tinytantrum (8:49:11 PM): I SEE IT!
amythystjewl (8:49:13 PM): yeah
amythystjewl (8:49:14 PM): rofl!
tinytantrum (8:49:16 PM): Oh, wow.
amythystjewl (8:49:21 PM): it's horrid isn't it
tinytantrum (8:49:25 PM): I am never going to be able to watch this the same way again.
amythystjewl (8:49:28 PM): ROFL
tinytantrum (8:49:33 PM): I am going to be totally distracted by Koharu's cold sore.
amythystjewl (8:49:44 PM): and in things where it isn't
amythystjewl (8:49:49 PM): it's still gonna be there
amythystjewl (8:49:52 PM): we'll all imagine it
tinytantrum (8:49:53 PM): WAITING FOR ME!
tinytantrum (8:49:58 PM): *hides under bed*

I love Koharu so much, but that coldsore pretty much haunted me forever. Oh well. Koharu was quite adorable as a kid (though look at that picture! I think Koharu was just born to be an idol, really), so I'll forgive her. And coldsore aside, she's gorgeous in "Mikan."

I don't have much to say about Koharu, really. I kind of exhausted my more serious opinions a while back, and she hasn't really changed much.
 

I do love her little pointing things that she does on the "Chance!" parts. Like, "YOU'VE got a chance! You, specifically! Hey you, you rakkii guy!" Or something like that. (I was just listening to the GAM album, can you tell?)

You know, I'm not sure what everyone loves about Aika. Junjun I can now understand (that quote she gave in TIME completely rocked)...but Aika just hasn't been pulling me in. Not too fond of her voice either. I'll give her another year to grow on me, 'cause despite all this, I just can't bring myself to dislike her. Maybe that's her secret idol weapon. And I love how she taps Koharu's hand, and Koha grins. It's so cute.
 

And she was fucking adorable as a kid. Though I think that the effect would be diminished somewhat if that dog wasn't in there.

Gaki looks like my Aunty Susan yay! I'm really glad that Risa's been getting more lines and screentime. Some say she'd be better as the leader, but if anything, I think Gaki's not ready for that yet, and that she's best right now as supporting Aichan. And Aichan is ready, she's shown it.
 

It's funny how Risa's voice went from being not-so-good to being one of the better ones in the group. It's not like the standards went down - her voice has just gotten better. I absolutely loved her performance of "Koi no Hana", though there were some iffy parts. And ever since that performance of "Love Machine" at the 2007 Winter Concert, it's
just been getting better.

Eri...bores me. I mentioned this before, but it really feels like she's been regressing. She was very shy initially, then she broke out to be rather humorous around 2005. And then now, she's grown out her hair again (a major mistake in my opinion) and...now what? She's kind of Gaki's partner in crime, but they feel unbalanced. Eri just isn't interesting anymore. She's stopped playing up her oddities, and people have stopped making comments about them. It's like they don't exist. So where does that leave Kamei? People have said that she's become hotter, cuter, etc - but that doesn't mean crap for me. She's just not as entertaining as she was a few years ago, and all I want to know is what the hell happened? Eri was one of my first Musume loves, and I hate not being able to like her. D:

Though hey, bonus points for bringing back Kameshige. What happened to their friendship? Eri suing Sayu for eating her cookies was one of my favorite Momusu moments - and it was just a hint of what Kameshige were capable of if you tossed them together. So why aren't they being tossed together? Kamemame (Gaki*Kame to some) just doesn't have that Kameshige spice. They get along a little too well, it's boring. They won't offend each other or get in fights. Friends get in fights, it's a fact of life. If they're trying to play up Kamemame as an ideal friendship...well, it just doesn't work. Tsujikago rarely fought, but they stirred up trouble. There's no trouble at all in the realm of Kamemame. No fun at all.

And Eri was a cute kid, etc etc etc. She looks like she's wearing a pot on her head.

A lot of people have mentioned their total hatred for the "cheap green screen" but in my opinion, it at least looks more high-budget than the "dancing on a dark stage *insert closeup here*" kind of PVs H!P has been putting out lately. For God's sake, if it's low-budget, at least try to make it look high-budget.

And besides, that gigantic mikan in the background makes up for all of it. Seriously

"Mikan" is both a step forward and backward. The single is good, the sales were not, the Golden Age relation is definitely not good...but maybe now Up-Front will realize that they need to move forward. Japan doesn't need to hear about getting a chance anymore. I don't know very much about their economy, but they seem to be doing well enough that lines like "this is an Earth with quite a history" don't have the same effect on the Japanese public anymore. They need to start singing what people will listen to. "I don't trust men" seemed like a bit much to some of us, but to a teenage girl who just got her heart stomped on? "Kanashimi Twilight" would probably be her single of choice.

That's all I can think of for why "Mikan" didn't sell, besides the fact that it's not traditionally catchy. But I love it, and that's what's important here!

By the way, I very much like Takahashi Ai's hair. Maybe I'm the only one. It has a very, "Fuck yes, I am the leader now" kind of feel to me. And hey, she doesn't look too bad. If anything, the choppy style gives a little edge to her Blahkitty persona.

The b-side, "Bonkyu! Bonkyu! BOMB GIRL" is...um, I didn't actually bother to listen to it. I tried, I really did, but...I can't really figure out what everyone loves about "Bonkyu." It's okay, but I'd really rather listen to the cheerful "Life is one time!" of Mikan. And it didn't show off the swing style nearly as well as "Mr. Moonlight" or "Popcorn Love!" I fucking love Popcorn Love.

Is "Mikan"'s not-so-stellar sales the reason for the 36th single being pushed back? I doubt it, and I hope not. More importantly, will not the not-so-stellar sales convince Tsunku to stop writing songs like this for them? Or will they be shunted aside even more?

For now, let's just bask in the glory of Linlin and not ask any questions about it.

With only seven minutes left to go until the 26th (for me, anyway, and by the time I'm done it'll be the 26th anyway...who cares?) I figured I would post my Christmas pictures and things now.

A few things you should keep in mind:

1) My cell phone doesn't take the greatest pictures
2) There are many, many purchases made throughout 2007 and that will be made with Christmas money that are not pictured here
3) The All Singles Complete is my precious.

Alright, then let us get this very short show on the road!

EDIT: Picture removed at the request of my mommy. <3. Here, have a picture of The Precious:

This is the love of my life, otherwise known as the All Singles Complete CD. The bookstore I go to strangely only carried the limited "Morning Coffee" one...but I'm not complaining. I bought it with my own money, wrapped it, and gave it to myself on Christmas morning.

Merry Christmas or whatever holiday you celebrate, all! :) I don't have a super awesome gift to give you, other than the promise that I'm returning to regular posting now.

However, I did get many a J-pop purchase for Christmas, so I'll be posting those later.

Anyway, here's a post from about October or November:

*****

I thought that they called this group C-ute because they were cute. This is not true. "Tokaikko Junjou" is not cute at all.

It is awesome.

And HOLY SHIT MAIMI. She's my favorite member of C-ute , and this is like the only group where my favorite member actually gets most of the lines. And once again, Maimi shows off how incredibly similar to Yossie she is by doing a distressed intro monologue, a la "Osaka Koi no Uta." Only without the Gackt hair and fairy outfit. (Seriously, Maimi is like a mini-Yossie-in-training, only without the lesbian angle. Have you ever noticed?)

I do like her monologue - she's got a good voice for it, much more mature than the other C-utes, but still youthful enough to pull off whatever the hell she's saying. (Though lulz at "I'm not a child" - you lead a group called C-ute. Who the hell's going to believe that?) I also like the way they arranged it so that she seems to be shifting - you don't concentrate on Maimi as much as the motion of Maimi and her voice.

Wow, this dance is fucking awesome. It's like actual dancing.

 

Some shots of the C-ute girls looking emo. And awesome. It's funny, but this is 30 seconds in and it already feels like a better PV than anything Momusu's done since "AS FOR ONE DAY" - the last PV to be made up of more than a close-up and dance shot.

Airi is AWESOME. She's not my favorite C-ute member by far - I find her to be a little overrated. But she's definitely worthy of praise - and so is her outfit. And um, shit, is that KANNA?

And forget Kanna, is that NAKKI?! She's always held a special place in my heart, because she was the first H!P Kid whose name I learned. And that special place feels all warm and fuzzy looking at her. She looks great here - a little strange, maybe because I'm not used to her without bangs, and her teeth are a little more than obvious...but those are just details. The whole picture is amazing, and she - not to mention all the other C-ute girls - manage to really work these three-second closeups.

Erika dyed her hair! And she's not wearing it all weird and close to her head! (Didn't v-u-den Erika wear it like that too?) It really looks good on her - makes her look older.
 

C-ute has always felt like a motley crew to me: some girls stuck out more than others, and I always felt they didn't really work as one, cohesive unit. Despite the fact that they're at 7 members and actually give each girl a fair share of lines, they still feel as unwieldy as the 15-nin Momusu did.

It honestly feels sometimes like despite being together for OH MY GOD IS THAT KANNA? THAT IS SO NOT KANNA. EXCEPT FOR THE PART WHERE IT'S TOTALLY KANNA. I never knew she was so gorgeous! Kanna was the one that used to be an Egg, right? It feels weird, because she honestly sometimes seems to know what she's doing more than the other, original members of the group. Maybe backup dancing for the veteran idols let her watch them better than C-ute could (since they were concentrating on their own act.)

Anyway, so now we've got all the C-ute girls coming at you. Chisato looks almost disturbingly tan...and actually, she looks a lot like my friend's younger sister. Heh. Much as I love her, Chisato is the only one that I think doesn't benefit from this PV. Even Maimai gets something out of the stylistic decisions of this PV. She looks much older. How old is Maimai, anyway? Last time I bothered to check, she was eight. Or...maybe she's twelve now? Someone help me.

Though, watching this, I'm kinda getting this feeling like this lineup should be called "Airi Suzuki ft. C-ute". It's not that Airi's not talented - she definitely deserves spotlight. But this song? Mehhh. The PV makes it look better than it actually is. Though "ARE YOU READY? *crazy beat*" is one of the greatest song moments in H!P history. (I'll have to make a list of that, one day.) The C-ute girls sound more squeaky than usual, and would it kill anyone to give someone besides Airi lines in the verses? Considering how tired the dancing makes H!P girls, it doesn't feel right having one girl getting a majority of the lines if she can't carry them. I'm not talking about Aichan, because she's able to sing all her lines without falling down too hard. But Airi? I worry. She's too young, and the Kids (while definitely proving to be major competition) probably don't have the same amount of training that Momusu girls have for this kind of thing.

Nakki looks like she's going to cry, while Kanna takes the "I'm so distraught, help me!" look to a whole new level.

And Airi's face looks weird. It's so...square here. Miyabi might be a beanhead, but Airi's got a box for a jaw.

Oh, and can I just express my complete and total love and devotion to Nakki's outfit? Yes.

"FREEZE!" Everybody clap your hands...oh, come on, you've never had to do the Casper slide? No? Um, okay then. *shifty eyes* I...I never have either...totally.

Oh, who am I kidding. I have been forced to do that dance since I was ten.

Anyway, moving on from my fifth-grade trauma...

Maimi is hot. And she's got a new PB out...yeah, I know what I'll be doing with my Christmas money.

(I love how I make it sound like I'm going to remember to buy it.)

A shot of Airi looking all introspective and emo! Which I really can't get into because I just noticed her upper lip is shaped kinda funky.

"OMGWTFMAIMI?"

Maimi is totally that horrible playground bitch that steals the kids' money. She snatched that baseball right out of Chisato's hand, earning perhaps the greatest "WTF" face ever in H!P history. I think Chistao even managed to knock Iida down in that respect. ("Nee, waratte!"...maybe not.) The best part, in my opinion, is that Maimai just keeps doing her emo stare, completely oblivious to Maimi ruining Chisato's playground experience.

After the bizarre pelvice thrusts of "Massara", we get...chest thrusting. Hey, it's that general no-touchy area. Not much difference.

Though it still looks as wrong on Maimai as it did in "Massara."

THE BASEBALL EXPLODES! Into...a very meaningful line of meaningfulness across the sky. Maimi plants her feet apart (showing off her lovely and awesome legs) and watches it.

Chisato, deciding she must exact revenge, goes to stand next to Maimi. The rest of the C-uties follow. Yes, they are allies...but only for now.

You know, after seeing that baseball incident, I'd like to see "Tokaikko" continued, if in a slightly sillier vein. I call for a "RIVAL ~Leader to Chisato~" single, in which Chisato leads C-ute in a rebellion against Maimi and her ball-snatching ways. Really. Chisato can be the lead vocal, with Nakki backing her up in this rebellion of AWESOME. Maimi and Erika can take the other side. Kanna, Airi, and Maimai...they can stand there. Especially Airi.

...okay, so that will totally never happen. I can dream, dammit. (MORE LINES FOR CHISATO KTHX.)

Anyway, this single kinda proves that the Kids aren't really Kids anymore. They're mature young women, for the most part. The ones that aren't mature young women are at least under the guidance of mature young women that will surely help them become mature young women themselves

And is it just me, or is the phrase "mature young women" starting to sound weird?

So what does this mean for Berryz? Despite their initial advantage, they've been the target of a lot of criticism from blogs, while C-ute's been getting praise. Truthfully, I've begun to root for Berryz a little more, if only because Maasa > C-ute in my eyes. Also because they brought on "Special Generation" and "Munasawagi Scarlet." And well, also because everyone likes C-ute more. What can I say. I like to be contrary.

Furthermore, what does this mean for Morning Musume? I'm one of the few people that isn't thrilled at all by the rise of the Kids. The Kids are little sisters to Momusu that aren't going to grow up for me, and the decision to have them start eating at the big kids' table makes me wince. I don't want them to become Momusu's successors. I could write a whole other post about it, and I think I will.

Oh, yeah, and this single has a B-side as well. (I don't even know what it's called..."Shiritsu Kyoukagu"? Pfft, I don't even care enough to look it up.) The awesomeness of the A-side is unfortunately not matched in the B-side. This is the kind of thing Country Musume should be doing. Satoda Mai, where are you? Their voices are also very noticeably squeaky here, while it only showed slightly in "Tokaikko." It's also around five minutes, so I didn't really bother to listen to the whole thing. I should, because now that I've completely dismissed the B-side, I'll bet I'll listen to it again next year and think it's the greatest thing ever. Just watch.

"Tokkaiko" has proved that the ragtag group that is C-ute is definitely a force to be reckoned with, music-wise. (Chemistry-wise, even the Eggs have them beat.) "Tokaikko" was their breakthrough, and as 2007 draws to a close, I'm wondering what I'll see in 2008.

(For those of you who want to know where I was: finals, Christmas, a brief interlude of teching, and sleeping. Now that Christmas is over, I might be able to touch up the drafts that have been waiting to see the light of day since...like, August, haha.)

So I have all these drafts from like October that I'm working on - and I'm really trying to get them out before the New Year, in addition to all the shit H!P's releasing now + end of the year posts.

But this is more important.

Okay, so I watched the regular version of "Jaja Uma Paradise", and to my surprise, it was even more boobtastic than the Pink Version. (Am I the only one that thinks it's funny that it's called the Pink Version when you think about the Japanese and the color pink? Okay, I'm done making dirty commentary. For now.)

Actually, I think it's hilarious that "Jaja Uma Paradise" roughly translates to "Shrew Paradise" (shrew meaning difficult woman) and I just got finished doing tech for a play called "Taming of the Shrew". I'm sure I could make plenty of jokes within this entry using lines from it, but I'll refrain. Unless one of these screencaps just begs for a quote about tongues and tails. Okay. I'm done now, I swear.

The song is starting to grow on me, though I'd still gladly one-two-three KICK (yes, that was a bad pun. I'm really sorry) it out the window for another "Ajisai" or "Kacchoiize." Though I do confess to running around all day going "Odore! Koisuru no rodeo danshi!"

What I don't like is how they're trying so hard to make the girls sexy and while they do succeed to an extent, I kind of laugh watching this. Rika doesn't look very good in that high ponytail; though Yui and Erika are gorgeous. The dance is laughable, especially the part where they wave their arms above their heads. I mean, come on. I found out Natsu Mayumi does the AKB48 choreography...and they have such awesome choreography. What the fuck happened here?

And even MORE blatant boob shots. That said, I kind of like the glittery thing on Rika's right boob. Now, if only it was somewhere else so I wouldn't have to look at Rika's goodies while I go, "OOOH, SHINY!"

The video only makes more obvious how desperate Biyuuden's situation is: come on, Goto Maki did this exact same kind of thing, and she graduated. But what can Rika do? H!P is really the only place where she can take the front and center like this, so she and the rest of Biyuuden have to dance there and look overjoyed at thrusting while wearing hardly anything. Very flattering.

Rika tries to look alluring. She fails. Well, I think she does, anyway. The legions of nosebleeding fanboys might disagree.

If anything, this pretty much shows you everything that's wrong with Biyuuden: their sexiness isn't at all classy, and while Erika and Yui are decent singers...those "dangerous" and "fantasy" parts were almost painful to listen to, and because of all this, they have to stand there and look absolutely fucking thrilled to be doing this.

Forgive me, but I just can't believe that this is what any of them thought they'd signed on for. Not even Rika.

Also, I was watching a subbed version, and does anyone want to update me on what "Taro and Hanako" is? They mention things like "otoko to onna" and "Adam and Eve" (well, really "Ivuko", but whatever) so I'm assuming they're like a traditional symbolic Japanese pairing (you know, like Adam and Eve is for some of us, or Han Solo and Princess Leia...well, the second one might just be me.)

Oh, Yui. Yui, Yui, Yui. There are no words to express my love for her.

Erika spends a lot of this video looking off into space. One can argue that this was thought up by the director to enhance the boobage, but I had more fun saying things like, "What's that in the distance? Is it Max Matsuura, coming to sign me to Avex and let me put my clothes back on?"

And hey, speaking of the clothes, does anyone know why there's a dead skunk hanging off their skirts?

Actually, other than the dead skunks and the disturbing amount of cleavage, I kinda like the outfits. The skirts are flashy at least, and if they make the shirt longer and less prone to smashing boobs together, I might actually wear that.

Might being the key word.

I saw this mentioned over at Thoughts on Jpop about the choreography, and looking at it when it's screencapped, there are points when they seem rather out of sync. I didn't notice it in the video, more likely because I was constantly pausing it and minimizing the window every time a family member walked by.
 

That said, it doesn't really matter, because I hate this choreography. The part where they're high-fiving each other, Rika looks partly "Must keep smiling" and partly "Dear God, please let my hand reach Yui's" since she's not looking.

Erika's hair apparently is not long, but it still looks pretty good. I miss her "Koisuru Angel Heart" hair, though. That was beautiful.

All insults aside, though, they do look quite pretty. Yui especially. I think they overdid Erika's eyeliner, though. She looks like a raccoon.

You know, this PV looks like it was fairly budgeted. Certainly there are more than two sets, two versions, and confetti flying everywhere. I think Coconuts Crazy was right about Up-Front using most of its money to sex up poor Gocchin.

"Shake it, do it, do it!"

For a few moments here, the Biyuuden girls are rendered blurry with happiness. Or the crazy horny camera guy just can't hold it still. Something.

Rika looks very satisfied here. Turning on wotas and freaking casual listeners out. All in a day's work.

I've never liked the idea of Biyuuden much ("Let's take one of H!P's worst singers and toss in two others to make it less obvious! YEAH!") but they always managed to make it worthwhile. "Ajisai" was lovely and didn't even try to sex the girls up too much (though I agree with Ray that Erika shaking it was probably the most unintentionally sexy moment of the PV) while "Kacchoiize!", while not exactly as complex as "Ajisai", was at least interesting (lesbian love triangles, anyone?) and there wasn't a part of either song that I flinched at.

I know I keep comparing everything Biyuuden does to "Ajisai" and "Kacchoiize!" but for me, those are their two best songs ("Koisuru Angel Heart" gave me hope for their newer stuff, but "Jaja Uma Paradise" crushed it again). I also really liked "Koi no Nukegara", and that PV was absolutely beautiful, with the traditional Japanese...stuff (haha, I don't know the right word for it)...and the dresses and those little sprigs of whatever that is in their hair...

And it's not like this is Morning Musume, with their ever-changing lineup and the styles that change from lineup to lineup (example: fourth-gen 10nin did happy happy pop; fifth-gen 13nin and 12nin did more experimental things like "Mr. Moonlight" [swing] and "Souda!" [which I don't think I can even begin to categorize])...this is one group. If Tsunku and his creative forces can write things like "Kacchoiize!" and "Koisuru" (I don't believe he did "Koi no Nukegara" or "Ajisai"), or at least hire people to think up things like "Koi no Nukegara" and "Ajisai", why doesn't Biyuuden put out better stuff? You're obviously going to have good songs and bad songs, but from "Kacchoiize!" to something like "Issai Gassai"? I don't see it. Sorry.

Anyway. Where was I before I went off rambling? Right. Biyuuden started out good, and they've had spikes of improvement ("Aisucream" and "Koisuru" come to mind) but then they come out with something like "Jaja Uma", which is catchy, yes, but it's catchy like that song you completely hate is catchy. It doesn't fit with Biyuuden's usual level of music.

Normally I'd close this off with some advice, but there's really nothing I can say. Um, at least they're hot? Something anyway.

Okay. So. I am seriously one of the last people to ever cover anything in the blogosphere, because I'm shit lazy, and I've got all these drafts to finish and homework to do, but I'm taking some valuable time to say...

What the fuck?

It's not that I'm really, truly upset that she's leaving - after all, Gocchin is way talented and we'll definitely see more of her - it's more, I can't believe it. Or I can believe it, but I'm really trying my best not to right now.

There'll be a day when I get over this and think, "Good for her." That day, however, is not today. Probably not tomorrow, either.

If anything, it's like when I found out Aibon got fired. Or when I graduated eighth grade. It happened, but the part of my brain that's in denial isn't actually sure it happened.

Everyone seems certain that Gocchin will find another label, something really big like avex...but I'm not sure that'll happen. She was an H!P idol. While that would've been a surefire way to get the spotlight in 2000, seven years later, people are more like, "You were an H!P idol? You were one of the girls that got paid to dance around and sing about telephones? Um, yeah, let us get back to you..." It's not that Gocchin is untalented. But she was one of H!P's biggest stars, and there's a stigma attached to her that isn't there with Ayu or Amuro Namie.

And at the same time, is this the huge loss we all think it is? After all, much as it hurts the souls of many H!P fans out there, Gocchin wasn't H!P's highest selling solo artist in 2006. Kusumi was. Does that say anything? I think it does, and I don't think many fans like it...but it's the truth.

Anyway, so. Past the event itself, and onto the myriad of excuses UFA is feeding us! (Really, do they have some guy sitting in a room somewhere making up excuses for these events? "Education. Check. Different creative ideas. Check. Brother is a criminal. Check.)

I do believe Gocchin and H!P had different ideas for her career. We don't really get insights into the lives of idols often (even their biographies are really just a narrative timeline of their careers), which is probably why we're all crazed conspiracy theorists. And even though this is Japan, where 11-year-old girls are encouraged to flaunt their boobs by their parents (and don't even get crap about it from their friends), something tells me that rolling around on the stage making erotic noises into a microphone wasn't really what Gocchin had in mind when she joined Momusu on that fateful day in 1999. And yes, ideals change (look at Ayaya) but it's one thing to be sexy. It's another to be molesting a microphone stand in front of a crowd of 40-year-old men.

I also believe that this is because of her brother. Everything about an idol's life is strictly dictated, so that nothing from the outside can get in. And despite the fact that Maki had no involvement whatsoever, her brother has once again tarnished her good reputuation. Much as it pisses us off, in the idol world, this is enough.

So what don't I buy? Well...I'm not sure. Something about this feels very off. While I do believe the thing with her brother played some part, it feels like so much less. It feels more like they were waiting for something like this to happen so they had an excuse to put up if all else failed.

But really. Enough of my pessimissim...ism...pessimisticenessism...MY GOD I CAN'T SPELL TODAY. WHATEVER. Believe it or not, I am actually a Gocchin fan...I'm just horribly pessimisstic...stic? Fish? Muffins? Something? Why can't I spell today?

Anyway, I do wish Gocchin luck in whatever she decides to do. 

Oh, how they grow up...

So about two days ago, it was Makoto Ogawa's birthday. If you know what a huge Makocchan fangirl I am, you might've wondered, "Where is Chiakii on this most holy of days?" Well, I will tell you: I was at school. I am on tech crew for the theater, and it has been eating up a whole ton of my schedule. So, that's my excuse for my absence. I hope to return to bitching about H!P as always. However! This is not about me. (Wait, that's a lie. It's all about me, bitch.)

Anyway, so Makoto is now twenty, which is the legal age in Japan. This brings up two extremely important questions:

1. When is she coming back?
2. So is this the green light for all things pervy?

I hope Mako will return this year...if not this year, then the year after that. She's 20 now, she can do whatever the fuck she wants. <3. Happy birthday, Makocchan!

Moving on to the other Mak of the two...

Well, apparently since Goto Maki discovered this beautiful thing called "classy sexy", Biyuuden has decided to take up her "slutty sexy" mantle. As a matter of fact, if they sold higher, they could be the trio equivalent of Koda Kumi. To quote this random TV show I saw once: "Wear a bra...for the good of the country!"

Okay, fine. "Jaja Uma Paradise" is their newest single, though if you take the cover, the PV, and Biyuuden's tendency to flaunt their assets, you can see how I came to this conclusion, can't you? Particularly after seeing the pole-dancing on the back of the single. Whatever.

Anyway. For some unknown reason, the girls sing in this whispery, whiny kind of voice that makes me want to just punch them in the face. Particularly Rika, whose voice was already all soft and whiny to begin with.

Erika, on the other hand, is totally gorgeous. I'm loving the long hair on her, though the way she's singing sounds a little too unnatural - like she's singing through a filter. Rika always sounds like this, but it sounds like Erika sang and then they put something over her voice. Still.

I'm pretty sure that her hair is just extensions, but I do hope she grows it out.

Yui's hair is also looking awesome, and I think she's my favorite Biyuuden member. She's not quite as good a singer as Erika, but she's definitely very quirky and odd, which is a breath of fresh air considering how all the girls seem to be taking the "kawaii" route.

The song's beginning reminds me a bit of "Balalaika", though of course after a while it segues into the rest of the song and the similarity pretty much ends. Biyuuden, even if I really don't think they work as a singing unit, definitely puts out some of the catchiest songs of the H!P crop, but this is just...strange.

It's kind of annoying how they throw in such blatant boob shots, and this is probably one of the two real reasons why I'm not fond of Biyuuden. Okay, so the girl with the most lines can't really sing, but she's got a major fanbase, so do you really have to throw in fanservice like that? It's a vicious wota-cycle: they need boob shots to sell singles, and wota will buy the single if it has boob shots and effectively scare the casual listeners away.

Screencapping this PV was kinda painful, because as H!P girls are wont to do, there were silly faces galore, and while this was somewhat endearing in the video, watching them frame by frame...

Well, you can see my point.

The girls dance around, seemingly unaware of the fact that the camera seems to alternate between shots of their boobs, and shots of their ass. Come on, the girls can do better than that. Well, Rika can't, but Erika and Yui can, anyway.

They seem to be acting out three roles: Erika relishes her moment as the diva, striking a pose and tossing her long hair. Certainly she deserves it, easily being the best singer of the trio. She mostly makes little "chu" faces at the camera, grinning and smiling. She doesn't need to do more: she believes herself to be the star, and her fabulous hair and not-heinous voice do all the work for her.

Rika seems to be...obnoxiously cute. Well, not really. While Erika is a diva, Rika seems to be just absolutely
ordinary, a girl living out her fantasy as someone cute and desirable to her bedroom mirror. In a way, that probably was Rika prior to winning the fourth gen audition. She pouts and flirts and does some exaggerated gestures we tend to associate with Japanese girls. This is further emphasized by the fact that her little pink-and-white underthings are very plain in comparison to the fancy little lace and patterns of Erika and Yui.

Yui...seems confused. Doesn't she always? She gives a goofy little grin and jumps up and down a little - probably the  only one of them in touch with the video's little reality.

The Biyuuden thing, actually, kind of reminds me of a book or a movie. Guy A has been best friends with Yui since they were kids, has a crush on Rika (who's...best friends with Erika? Something), and at the end of the book realizes that Rika's not the one for him, and HEY Yui actually hit puberty and he didn't notice, so they should be together. Or something.

Rika and Yui finally realize that they're prancing around in their undershirts and shorts and get some jackets. Such modesty is refreshing. Particularly after all the bunnygirl buttshaking of "Aisucream." Yui in particular seems to be going for a Ayu-from-JEWEL kind of look, though her hood isn't quite as big.

We then switch to another room, where Rika appears with...perfume? Makeup? One can't be sure.

Meanwhile, Yui tries on some jewelry, complete with an inconspicuous boob shot.

Erika, a little slow on the uptake, runs and tries on various things before deciding on a jacket.

I'm changing my mind about this video. It seems less about three separate girls (the diva, the wannabe, and the one just trying to enjoy her day) and more about the girls behind the scenes. Erika leaves herself alone for the most part. It's all her and it's all good. She doesn't need - or particularly want - to have her face caked with makeup, and standing behind Rika doesn't really require that much preparation anyway.

Rika, on the other hand, makes the video worth a fan's money with her little faces and peace signs. She needs to interact with the camera - it's her duty as the face of the group. Besides, a cute girl that can't sing but puts herself out there and works to interact with her fans is probably more easily forgiven than a cute girl that can't sing but doesn't bother to work her other, stronger points. And I do have to give Rika props for recognizing her weak voice and working her stronger points instead. She, out of all the H!P girls, probably has the best understanding of what she needs to do in order to hang on to her place in the idol world. Certainly this kind of careerist attitude seems to be missing in many other girls.

Though I still wonder why Biyuuden was created for her. Rika's voice is charming and markably improved, but it's still just not that great. I could see her hosting a show - radio or TV - with one of the less active H!P solo artists (Yuko is the most likely) as her foil. It'd be a bit of a recycle from HPN and "Charmy" Ishikawa, but considering how low Biyuuden sells, it seems a better idea than this tits-and-ass trap that Biyuuden seems caught in. Rika is simultaneously H!P's strongest and weakest link.

Yui, meanwhile, still doesn't seem to fit in very well with the group. The little love triangle from "Kacchoiize" seems to have carried over into their other work, because it seems more like "Erika and Rika with a side helping of Yui" than "Erika, Rika, and Yui in Biyuuden". She's my favorite member of this little trio, so that makes me sad, but it's true.

MOST BLATANT BOOB SHOT EVER. I know Yui's boobs are one of the few things she's got going for her, but couldn't she just shoot another photobook? It'd probably be a better book than Reina's "GIRL" (why the fuck do they keep reminding us that Reina's a girl? WE KNOW IT. I mean, seriously. "Shoujo R" and then "GIRL"?), since Reina...okay, I'll stop before I start ranting.

The funny thing is, I find myself setting very high standards where Biyuuden is concerned. I'm not fond of their voices, that is true, but the catchiness of the songs always manages to grab me and suck me in anyway. And Jaja Uma Paradise? Is not catchy at all. As a matter of fact, when I think about the beginning, in my head, it gets mixed up with "Odore! Morning Curry" and that's...not pleasant.

If anything, this PV is the most glaringly obvious example of the problem with Biyuuden: they are fanservice with very catchy songs...and that's it. Fanservice to who? Most likely the wota. I enjoy Biyuuden, yes - but I'm a girl, and seeing all that Yui boobage just makes me shake my head and pray that the next frame will have them wearing some clothes. (Those hopes are, of course, dashed.)

This single has left me feeling very disappointed in Tsunku and everyone else behind it. Biyuuden was not the best direction for Rika...or Erika and Yui, for that matter. But I'd overlook that if the song was good enough - and in the cases of "Kacchoiize! JAPAN", "Ajisai Ai Ai Monogatari", "Koisuru Angel Heart", even "Aisucream", the song was good enough. But here it's not, leaving Biyuuden with only their boobs and...er, poles.

"Seishun THE NIPPON" was also kind of disappointing. Better than "Jaja Uma Paradise" by a long shot...oh, but no, then they do this "SEISHUN THE NIPPON DA DA DA DA" chant...holy shit, now this is addictive. I will so be running around doing that all day. Still not what I'd call a satisfying B-side, but at least it's not getting mixed up with Morning Curry in my head.

Come on Biyuuden, I know that as long as you're not going to move on to doing something that entertains me, you can do better than this. I'm still praying for Rika and Yuko to get together and do another HPN, possibly with inappropriate jokes and yankii!Yuko.

But if that's not going to happen, I guess I'll settle for this.

(I'm starting to wonder if I'll ever be able to catch up on the J-pop world. Even if I don't, that's okay...I guess.)

So the general consensus about "Hana wo Pu~n!" is that even if we hate it, some eight-year-old out there probably adores it - hell, we saw that video clip of a whole crowd of uncoordinated children doing the "pu~n" moves along with Koharu and Mai.

Of course, I can't see my eight-year-old self enjoying this song at all. This could be because I was a rather odd kid - I didn't watch TV or play video games. I spent all my time reading. So maybe my childhood was warped or something, because I know for a fact that a lot of kids in my third-grade class might come close to worshiping this song if it had been around in ye olde 2001.

Actually, when I was little, I used to listen to Radio Disney a lot. I liked music, had no CDs, and this was the only station I knew because it was the only one our teachers would let us listen to. Radio Disney music annoyed my dad a LOT, and he used to parody the songs they played and sing them around the house. I can easily imagine him doing that to this song. Even if he didn't know what it meant. (Actually, admitting that I used to listen to Radio Disney to the entire blogosphere embarasses me a lot less than remembering the parodies my dad used to sing. I'm trying to figure out whether it's because my dad is totally embarrassing, or his singing just sucks that much...um, I love my family. Really, I do.)

And oh my God, there goes Koharu again with those totally awesome pigtails. Koha's hair was MADE for pigtails like that, all soft and shiny looking. I am having a total spaz attack right now. Those pigtails are just so goddamn PERFECT.

I'm very mixed on this song. I really don't like listening to it, and yet I find myself doing so, just so I can listen to the "Haaanaaa haaaanaaa hana hana hanahanahanahanahanaHANA WO PU~N!" at the beginning. The song isn't catchy in the same way other H!P songs are, but that "hana wo PU~N" really sticks with you.

I really do not understand why they are making all those squares and hearts in this video. Maybe I need a translation, because I can't tell what this has to do with noses.

Those animals also kind of disturb me. Who the hell is IN those suits, and how much did they get paid to do that? H!P has had some pretty weird PVs, but I'm starting to think "Hana wo Pu~n!" is the weirdest. Even the Berryz' imaginary basketball can't top this.

Okay, seriously, am I the only one that finds that swinging, snotty nose in the background totally distracting? (Everyone talks about how disgusting it is, but I haven't read a blog yet where someone mentions staring at the nose instead of the girls...) I mean, I can't even look at Koharu and Mai (not that I want to, what with those pants) because I'm totally hypnotized by that NOSE. It's...it's horrible. Terrible. And so goddamn fascinating!

It's kind of sad to watch, really, how they try to make Koha and Mai the same height in the close-ups, but once they get to the full-body shots, the height difference is painfully obvious.

"Futari wa NS", on the other hand, is very nice. It reminds me a little of "Koi ING" - slower than the typical H!P song (especially one from Koharu and Mai) but not as slow as Ayaya's ballads are. (I have, of course, never managed to get more than halfway through Ayaya's ballads, so I could be wrong.) I don't think Koharu and Mai's voices are suited to it, but they carry it off pretty well. I'm also really fond of the way that they do that "Wa-ta-shi noooooo~" It's just one of the parts in the song that stick out to me.

This song also has the added bonus of remaining youthful while not crossing the line into WTFville. Youthful doesn't always have to mean crack-induced. Just saying.

I don't really like the magnet in "Futari wa NS". It's so simple and comes somewhat close to elegant (considering who's singing, anyway), but then they bust out that gigantic magnet and it just loses whatever maturity it managed to have.

On the other hand, I adore their dresses. Pink and blue seem to be duo colors: we saw them in W and we're seeing them again in Kira*Pika. Maybe Kira*Pika is like a replacement W? Certainly they have around the same maturity that W had, though I don't think Koharu and Mai are the BFF forever!!1!11!!eleventyone!!1 that Tsujikago were made out to be. (Even the song has that sort of "through thick and thin" vibe.) It's starting to seem that Up-Front is in a rush to mold them into best-friend duos and other kinds of personalities, instead of letting the girls' personas grow naturally. I mean, one could argue with Takitty that she needs to be molded into something, because leaving her alone for six years hasn't done crap, but Aika and the pandas are still new, so Up-Front better back off on their part.

Though actually, after watching several "Onna ni Sachi Are"-related performances, appearances, and making-of type things, Takitty seems to finally be growing into her own. She seems much more quirky and demanding of attention than she has in the past.

BUT ANYWAY. This is about Kira*Pika.

I also really can't believe it took me this long (kind of like how it took me forever to figure out why everyone called Momoko "the peachy one") but I finally figured out the Kira*Pika thing: besides the whole Kirarin Revolution thing, kira-kira is Japanese for "glittering" and pika-pika is Japanese for "sparkling". Or something along those lines. Ahahaha, Chiakii iz so smart.

I'm probably going to get burned at a stake for saying this, but I'm not all that fond of Hagiwara Mai. She just doesn't suck me in the way Maimi does or Megukami (*cries* I ain't over her either) did. I love Koharu to death, but this unit isn't doing much for me so far. "Hana wo Pu~n!" is fun and...snotty and all, but in the end this unit hasn't left much of an impression on me. I can't figure out the hype around Mai. Her vocals aren't that great yet, and her personality doesn't seem to have developed. In another few years, I might be squeeing over her the way I do over the other H!P girls, but right now I'm not that into her.

Even still, I think Kira*Pika could be a little like the second coming of Minimoni. Certainly "Hana wo Pu~n!" caught the kids' attention. I'm not holding out hope for a string of books, dolls, and TV shows, but I'm not giving up on Kira*Pika. A little more Kleenex, and they could be well on their way to...well, not sucking.

 

Just, please. Next time there's a swinging nose in the background, don't let snot drip from it. That's just too much information.